Has Your Busy Lifestyle Lead You And Your Partner To Drift Apart?

Does it feel as though you and your partner never have enough time set aside for each other? Have other priorities—such as a demanding career, children, or personal pursuits—overshadowed your relationship and caused you to drift apart? Are you feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to fix what’s broken?

Although you may be considered “successful” professionally, perhaps your current lifestyle leaves no time for yourselves, let alone each other. As a result, you might have lost the intimacy and close connection that initially drew you together. Rather than sharing your lives with one other as you’d imagined, you may often feel exhausted and lonely at the end of the day.

You May Struggle To Communicate Effectively

If you’re both moving at warp speed, it’s hard to find the time to slow down and express how you feel. Instead, you may bicker constantly or withdraw from each other to avoid more arguments. While one of you might walk away from the discussion to defuse rising tension, the other may insist on talking it out even though staying engaged upsets your partner further. It can be frustrating when any move you make feels like the wrong choice or gets misinterpreted. Sadly, you might end up walking on eggshells with each other without resolution. 

You may fear that if you don’t make some drastic changes soon, your relationship is doomed to fail. The good news is that couples therapy can help you reprioritize your relationship and find a path back to each other. As a therapist who specializes in couples counseling, I will work closely with you to improve communication and intimacy, restoring the connection you have been missing.

Having A High-Achievement Mindset Can Be Great For Careers But Hard On Relationships And Quality Of Life

In today’s fast-paced world, it often feels like we can never have enough, be enough, or do enough. Many professional couples are conditioned to strive for excellence and are expected to perform at a high level across all aspects of life. This pressure is further amplified by social media, which encourages us to curate a “perfect” online persona, leading to unhealthy self-comparison. Despite our achievements, the pressure we place on ourselves can make us feel as though we are continually falling short. 

However, achieving our lofty goals often leaves us unprepared for the grueling reality of daily life. When we find ourselves stretched too thin with no time to slow down, the quality of everything in our lives suffers—most significantly, our relationships with our partners. Inevitably, spending quality time together gets pushed down the priority list, and gradually, we invest less effort into maintaining a close bond. It only takes one challenging life event for us to realize how fragile our relationship can be when put to the test.

You’re Not Alone

Although we are good at hiding it from each other, many of us struggle to keep up with the ongoing demands of work and home. As we try to juggle these obligations while sustaining a close relationship with our partner, we often fall short. Because most of us enter our relationships with unresolved emotional baggage and were never taught how to be good partners, we soon realize we are out of our depth.

Although it’s easy to procrastinate and put off taking action to improve your relationship, why not start now before things have worsened and it’s harder to come back from? Couples therapy provides a clean slate to examine where things stand, how you got here, and the tools to reprioritize your relationship.

Couples Therapy Can Help You Flip The Script On Your Relationship

Although long-term relationships evolve and the initial passion we experience eventually fades, this doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy a deeply loving and intimate connection in every stage of life together. The biggest obstacle to emotional closeness is often a hectic lifestyle that keeps you apart coupled with barriers in communication. 

Couples therapy provides an impartial and judgment-free environment where you can explore the dynamics of your relationship. Guided by a marriage counselor, you’ll have the opportunity to open your hearts and minds to each other. The counselor encourages honesty and vulnerability, fostering a space free from shame or blame. This safe environment allows both of you to delve into the issues you bring to the relationship and to understand how your unique attachment styles influence communication and interaction patterns.

What To Expect In Sessions

It's common to find ourselves trapped in unhealthy patterns that can hinder our ability to genuinely listen to one another and respond positively. In couples therapy, we will work together to identify these communication cycles. We'll explore how certain responses, even when well-intentioned, can lead to disconnection, frustration, and disappointment in your relationship.

Once you understand what isn’t working with your communication and where it comes from, you then have the freedom to create something new. We will also examine your current lifestyle—especially if you both feel trapped on a hamster wheel—and find ways to prioritize your relationship. 

It takes commitment and consistency to explore the root of your issues, learn how to "undo" longstanding habits, and replace them with better ways of communicating, connecting, and resolving conflict. However, my goal is to work myself out of a job. I aim to get you to a point where you will be able to apply what you’ve learned in couples counseling without the need for a therapist.

The Modalities I Incorporate Into Couples Counseling

My practice is primarily focused on couples work and incorporates Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) and Transformative Couples Therapy (TCT). TCT is an offshoot of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) utilizing a somatic- and attachment-based approach to help couples learn how to relate to each other on a deeper level.

Depending on your specific needs, couples therapy may also take a trauma-informed approach that includes mindfulness skills, grounding exercises, narrative therapy, and self-soothing and self-care techniques. If needed, we can also incorporate ADHD strategies and skill-building, sex and intimacy therapy, betrayal recovery, Gottman Method therapy techniques, and Fairplay program techniques into couples counseling.

If you've tried the same thing for years to improve your relationship and nothing has changed, it’s time to explore another option. With a commitment to couples therapy, you can shift away from frustration and sadness and embrace joy and connection. As a relationship counselor, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing straight, same-sex, and queer couples and thruples rediscover their spark in therapy. You can, too.

But Maybe You’re Not Sure If Couples Therapy Is Right For You…

Will going to marriage therapy change anything?

If you show up to couples therapy expecting your partner to change without being willing to change yourself, we won’t get very far. Although repairing your relationship can be hard work, it is well worth the effort. Being open to how you each contribute to the discord is the first step. By shifting your patterns of communication, you can avoid getting stuck in negative cycles and learn how to foster connection, trust, and empathy.  

How long will we need to see a couples counselor?

Beneficial counseling, especially couples therapy, can take time. Because you didn't get here overnight, we can’t change your patterns in a matter of weeks. You can expect to attend marriage counseling for at least 6 months and, for couples who have been together for 5 years or more, plan on 12 months. However, we will decrease the frequency of sessions as you experience change, so that, by the end of couples counseling, you usually won’t attend weekly sessions anymore.

We felt judged by our last couples therapist.

You deserve a couples therapist who offers a safe and supportive environment to work on your relationship. In marital counseling, I’m not here to judge, I'm here to learn about you and learn with you. I aim to create a new experience for you and your partner. I often tell my clients, “There’s always a reason for our behavior". If you're doing something out of alignment with what you want, let's try to understand why by being curious and open together.

Your Relationship Deserves A Tune-Up

Recommitting to your relationship is a decision you won’t regret. In addition to heteronormative couples, I am honored to offer therapy to LGBTQ+, same-sex, and polyamorous relationships. To learn more about couples therapy with Live Oak Counseling, please visit my contact page or call 203-561-1675 for more information.